There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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