u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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