I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
