I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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