Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
