Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
