the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
we're making bets on your personal life
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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