How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
