hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
