Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
