Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
