I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
