he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
