dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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