He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
