Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
