i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
