so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
