I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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