Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
