i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
