I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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