You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
