That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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