Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
whose ass print is on the piano?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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