he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
