Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
