I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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