Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
