She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
