why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
