I will die if light touches me.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
i believe in u and ur pee
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
