you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
