you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
