dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Randomize
