She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
