You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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