I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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