Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I believe in your delicious
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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