Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
