You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
