Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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