I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
