Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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