I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
