so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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