I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
