I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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