You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
