she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
