I'm lost and stupid without you.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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