If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
