OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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