theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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