Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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